My study of Buddhism isn't what I expected it to be. I have probably mentioned this before but it is so true. I had this whole idea of Buddhism in my head, of what it is and what it was going to do for me. I felt like I would change. I would become Enlightened and turn in to this new, wiser person. That is not what is going on at all. Sure, I feel calmer. I almost feel like things around me have slowed down in some way or I can just see them a bit better. I am also getting this feeling of... maturity. I feel myself thinking less about what I want and more on what I have. I don't dwell so much on where I want to go, I am savoring where I am in this moment.
I thought there would be rules. I was almost hoping for it. I wanted things to learn and to study, but I feel like I know it as I read it. Nothing is muddled or confusing, or coming as a big surprise. It makes perfect sense.
I don't think wanting to better oneself is a bad thing. I know I can only control so much but I do hope to grow as a person as I dive deeper in to Buddhism.
I know I only live once. I know I will die some day. I know I will be forgotten. I do not seek remembrance, only acceptance of myself.
Religion is so confusing...that's why I don’t do it.
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this post is very inspiring! the last few lines especially resonate.
ReplyDeleteAh, I completely understand the feeling of wanting rules to follow. It's comforting to have a list of simple commandments —it's almost the easy way!
ReplyDeleteFeeling calmer sounds really nice...
I imagine going from not feeling calm, to feeling that way would give you a steady (if slow) change in outlook, as long as it becomes a daily, ingrained practice.